Whenever I talk about stress and overwhelm, I usually mention two main groups of causes.
Firstly, there are the physical and practical causes, such as not eating well, not getting enough sleep, working too many hours or simply having too much to do.
Secondly, there are the issues around people-pleasing, perfectionism and setting healthy boundaries, which can lead us to take on far more than we realistically have the time or energy for.
But there’s a third thing worth considering too: how we respond to and interpret the situations we find stressful.
Stress is essentially our body’s response to pressure or perceived threat. When we’re faced with something challenging, our bodies release hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol to help us respond.
And that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. A certain amount of pressure can help us focus, motivate us to take action or give us the energy to deal with a difficult situation.
The problem comes when we’re under pressure for too long without enough opportunity to recover, or when we feel that what’s being asked of us is more than we can cope with.
Now, sometimes it actually IS more than we can or should be coping with. And in those situations, the answer probably isn’t to find a clever new way of thinking about it.
It’s to stop, say no, ask for help or step back.
But sometimes we can help ourselves by changing the way we look at what’s happening.
Reframing a stressful situation
Let’s say you’re feeling stressed about having to give a presentation.
The first thing I’d suggest is trying to work out exactly what’s causing the stress.
Is it because you genuinely don’t have enough time to prepare? Or perhaps you’re being asked to talk about something you don’t know enough about?
Or, more likely, is your Inner Troll telling you that you’re going to make a complete fool of yourself in front of however many people?
Because those are rather different problems, and they need different solutions.
If you genuinely don’t have enough time or knowledge, then there’s a practical problem to solve. Could you ask for help? Negotiate more time? Reduce the scope of the presentation? Or accept that it isn’t going to be quite as polished as you’d ideally like?
Sometimes we make ourselves unnecessarily stressed because we’ve decided that something HAS to be done to a particular standard, when actually a perfectly good job would be more than enough.
Or perhaps you’re looking at the whole task and feeling completely overwhelmed by the amount of work involved.
In that case, it can help to stop focusing on the enormous mountain in front of you and think about what you actually need to do first.
And then what comes next.
Breaking something down into bite-sized steps can make it feel much more manageable, particularly when you’ve been putting it off because you don’t know where to start.
But what if the problem isn’t really the amount of work involved?
What if it’s your Inner Troll telling you that everyone is going to think you’re useless?
Question what your Inner Troll is telling you
If you’re feeling stressed because you’re worried about making a mistake, being judged or not being good enough, try examining the story you’re telling yourself.
What exactly are you afraid is going to happen?
Perhaps you’re imagining standing in front of an audience, forgetting everything you intended to say and being utterly humiliated.
OK. But how likely is that, really?
What evidence do you have that it’s going to happen? Have you given presentations before? Did they actually go as badly as you’re imagining? And even if you stumbled over your words or forgot something, would that really be a disaster?
Often our Inner Troll presents the worst possible outcome as though it’s an absolute certainty.
And once we start questioning those assumptions, we may find that the situation isn’t quite as threatening as it first appeared.
I’ve written more about this in my article on the Inner Troll and how to deal with it.
Of course, this doesn’t mean telling yourself that everything will be wonderful and nothing could possibly go wrong. That probably won’t convince you anyway!
But you might be able to come up with a more realistic interpretation, such as, ‘I’ve prepared well, I know my subject, and even if I make a mistake, I can probably deal with it.’
Which feels rather different from, ‘I’m going to make a complete fool of myself.’
Focus on what you can control
One of the things that can make a situation particularly stressful is feeling that we have very little control over what’s happening.
And, as freelancers, that can come up quite a lot.
We can’t control whether a potential client decides to work with us, how someone responds to our marketing, or whether a client follows through on the work we’ve asked them to do.
But we can usually identify at least some things that are within our control.
If you’re worried about not getting enough clients, for example, you can’t force people to buy from you. But you can look at whether your offer is clear, whether you’re reaching the right people, and what steps you could take to build more relationships with potential clients.
If you’re stressed about a difficult client, you can’t necessarily change their behaviour. But you may be able to have a conversation about expectations, put clearer boundaries in place or decide whether you want to continue working with them.
And if you’re overwhelmed by everything on your to-do list, you might need to make some decisions about what really needs doing, what can wait and what perhaps doesn’t need to happen at all.
I find it can be helpful to ask, ‘What part of this situation can I actually do something about?’
Because once you’ve identified that, you can start taking action rather than feeling completely at the mercy of what’s happening around you.
Could you see your anxiety differently?
Another useful approach, particularly when you’re nervous about something like a presentation, an important meeting or a sales conversation, is to consider whether you could interpret some of that nervous energy differently.
The physical sensations associated with anxiety and excitement can be surprisingly similar. Your heart might be racing, you might feel a bit shaky, and you might have butterflies in your stomach.
But there’s quite a difference between telling yourself, ‘I’m terrified and this is going to be awful,’ and thinking, ‘I’m nervous because this matters to me, and I’m excited about the opportunity.’
Sometimes that small change in interpretation can help us approach a situation as a challenge rather than a threat.
It doesn’t mean that you can magically turn all your anxiety into excitement, or that you should ignore genuine concerns.
But when your Inner Troll is making an already challenging situation feel even worse, it might be worth trying.
Will this matter in five years’ time?
Finally, another question I sometimes find helpful is whether whatever I’m worrying about is actually going to matter in five years’ time.
Or even in a few months’ time.
Perhaps you’ve sent an email with a typo, or someone has disagreed with something you posted on LinkedIn, or a presentation didn’t go quite as smoothly as you’d hoped.
At the time, it can feel ENORMOUS.
But when you imagine looking back on it in six months or a year, you may realise that it’s probably not going to matter very much at all.
Of course, some things really do have long-term consequences, and this question isn’t going to make those disappear.
But for the smaller things that our minds can turn into enormous dramas, a bit of perspective can be surprisingly helpful.
So, why are you feeling so stressed?
The next time you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by your freelance business, I’d encourage you to step back and consider three things.
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Are you physically taking enough care of yourself? Are you getting enough sleep, eating properly, taking breaks and allowing yourself time to recover? Or are you simply trying to do too much?
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Are you taking on more than you need to because of people-pleasing, perfectionism or a lack of healthy boundaries? Are you saying yes when you really want to say no, or putting yourself under pressure to meet unrealistic standards?
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Could you look at the situation differently? Are you imagining the worst, focusing on things you can’t control or treating something as a disaster when it might actually be a manageable problem?
And if the answer to the first two questions is that you’re genuinely overloaded, please don’t feel you have to fix that by changing your attitude.
Sometimes the most useful thing you can do is make a practical change to your circumstances.
But if your Inner Troll is adding another layer of worry to an already challenging situation, perhaps you can start questioning what it’s telling you.
Because while we can’t control everything that happens in our businesses, we can sometimes change how we interpret a situation and what we decide to do next.
And that can make quite a difference to how stressful it feels.
Want to grow your business without burning out?
If you’re finding yourself regularly stressed, overwhelmed or struggling to switch off from work, I’ve brought together some practical resources to help.
In my Grow my business without burning out Resource Centre, you’ll find articles and videos about managing stress, setting healthier boundaries, dealing with overwhelm and creating a freelance business that’s more sustainable for the long term.
Explore the resources on growing your business without burning out