Running your own business as a freelance language teacher is deeply rewarding. But let’s be honest, it’s also a rollercoaster.
There are days when you land a new client, get lovely feedback or finally finish that website you’ve been putting off. And then there are days when a student cancels, your carefully written social media post gets two likes, or you spend hours fiddling with tech that just won’t work.
How you handle the emotional ups and downs can make a huge difference, both to your wellbeing and to the long-term sustainability of your business.
The challenge is finding a balance, without slipping into toxic positivity on one side or toxic negativity on the other.
Toxic positivity
We all know negative emotions don’t feel good. But they’re there for a reason. They tell us that something needs our attention, perhaps that we need to rest, rethink something or change our approach.
Toxic positivity shows up when we try to skip past those feelings and insist that we’re fine, or that we should be feeling positive regardless of what’s actually happening.
For example, you might convince yourself that you’re ‘just not trying hard enough’ when you’re feeling completely exhausted. Or plaster on a smile during a coaching call or lesson when what you really need is a proper break.
Perhaps you tell yourself that you must always stay upbeat on social media because nobody wants to follow someone who’s struggling.
And it can show up in how we treat other people too.
Phrases like ‘Cheer up, other teachers have it worse’ or ‘Just stay positive, the clients will come’ might sound supportive, but they can actually shut down honest conversations about what’s going on.
As one counsellor I knew memorably put it, this is like pouring pink icing on top of sh*t.
The feelings don’t magically disappear. They’re still there underneath, and they have a habit of leaking out later, often at the worst possible time.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with trying to see the positive side of a difficult situation, or reminding yourself of the things that are going well. That can be genuinely helpful.
But there’s a difference between finding something positive in a situation and insisting that you shouldn’t be feeling upset, disappointed or frustrated in the first place.
Sometimes things are difficult, and it’s perfectly reasonable to acknowledge that.
Toxic negativity
On the other hand, constantly expecting the worst isn’t particularly healthy either.
Toxic negativity is more than having a bad week, or even going through a difficult few months. It’s when your default response becomes something like:
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‘No one will ever pay my rates.’
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‘Marketing just doesn’t work for me.’
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‘Other teachers get lucky. I never do.’
This kind of thinking can creep in without us even noticing.
And the danger is that it starts to shape our actions, or our inaction.
If you’re convinced that launches always fail, you might stop putting offers out there altogether. If you believe you’ll never attract the right students, you may settle for badly paid platform work rather than taking steps to build your own client base.
Or you might find yourself continually dismissing opportunities because you’re already certain they won’t work.
And, of course, the less you try, the less likely you are to get different results.
It can become a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It’s also exhausting to live with that constant sense that things are never going to work out. And it can affect your relationships with other people, particularly if every conversation ends up focusing on what’s wrong and why nothing can be done about it.
Now, I’m not suggesting that you should never complain, or that expressing frustration makes you a negative person.
Sometimes you need to have a good moan! And sometimes there are genuine problems in the industry or in your business that deserve to be discussed and challenged.
But if your thinking becomes so negative that you can’t see any possibility of things improving, that’s likely to make it much harder to take the action needed to change your situation.
Finding the middle ground
So what’s the alternative?
I think there are three things that can help.
1. Acknowledge what’s real
You will face setbacks when you’re running a business.
A client leaves unexpectedly, a workshop flops, or someone criticises your work publicly.
And sometimes it’s going to hurt.
Pretending it doesn’t, or telling yourself you shouldn’t feel disappointed because you ought to be grateful for everything that’s going well, isn’t particularly helpful.
Give yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling.
You might need to talk it through with someone, take a break or simply give yourself a little time before deciding what to do next.
Acknowledging that something is difficult doesn’t mean you’re giving up. It means you’re being honest about what’s happening.
2. Listen without attaching
Your emotions can tell you something important about how you’re experiencing a situation, but they don’t necessarily tell you the whole truth about what it means.
There’s a big difference between thinking, ‘This feels hard right now,’ and deciding, ‘I’m not cut out for running a business.’
One describes how you’re feeling at a particular moment. The other turns that feeling into a story about who you are and what you’re capable of.
And once you start believing that story, it’s much easier to become stuck.
So try to notice what you’re feeling without immediately treating it as evidence that something is fundamentally wrong with you or your business.
Perhaps you’re disappointed because an offer hasn’t sold as well as you’d hoped. That’s understandable.
But it doesn’t automatically mean the offer is terrible, your marketing is hopeless or you’re never going to succeed.
It might simply mean there’s something you need to learn from the experience.
3. Choose supportive action
Once you’ve acknowledged what’s happening and given yourself a little space to respond, ask yourself what would actually help.
What’s the smallest, kindest step you could take?
Perhaps it’s sending one email instead of worrying about the ten you haven’t written.
Maybe it’s deciding to post once this week rather than three times, because that’s all you realistically have the time and energy for.
Or perhaps it’s simply taking the afternoon off because you’re exhausted and need a break.
Sometimes the right action will involve making a practical change to your business. At other times, it might be about changing how you’re interpreting a situation.
And sometimes, the most useful thing you can do is recognise that there’s nothing you need to fix immediately.
The important thing is to respond to what’s actually happening, rather than automatically telling yourself that everything is wonderful or that everything is hopeless.
You don’t have to be positive all the time
I think there’s quite a lot of pressure on business owners to appear confident, enthusiastic and positive all the time.
And I can understand why. We want potential clients to trust us, and we want to feel that we’re making progress.
But running a business involves uncertainty, setbacks and the occasional complete disaster. That’s just part of it.
You can acknowledge those things without deciding that everything is doomed.
And equally, you can celebrate what’s going well without pretending that the difficult bits don’t exist.
For me, that’s the middle ground we’re aiming for.
We don’t deny our emotions, but we don’t have to let them define our entire business journey either.
And the more we can learn to respond to what’s happening with a bit of honesty, perspective and self-compassion, the easier it becomes to navigate the inevitable ups and downs.
Want to feel more confident running your business?
If you’re struggling with self-doubt, unhelpful patterns of thinking or the emotional ups and downs of freelancing, I’ve brought together some practical resources to help.
In my Feel more confident running my business Resource Centre, you’ll find articles and videos about managing your Inner Troll, challenging unhelpful beliefs and developing a more confident, balanced approach to running your business.