Why do we resist doing things we know are good for us in business?
Running a freelance teaching business is demanding – physically, mentally and emotionally.
You probably already know you ‘should’ be looking after yourself and your business better. Maybe you’ve promised yourself you’ll finally sort out your website, get more sleep, post consistently on LinkedIn or raise your rates.
And yet, within weeks (sometimes days), those good intentions slide.
Yes, some of this is about the very real pressures of running a business and juggling everything else in life. But often there’s something deeper going on. Even when we know something will help us, even when we genuinely want to do it, resistance has a way of stopping us in our tracks.
Two types of resistance
I see two main types:
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Resistance to change – sticking with what’s familiar, even if it isn’t working.
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Resistance to looking after ourselves – believing that our own needs don’t matter, or that it’s somehow ‘selfish’ to put them first.
Let’s start with the first, because it’s probably the easier one to explain.
Resistance to change
A great deal of what we do happens automatically, without us having to consciously think through every action. That’s incredibly useful in everyday life, but not quite so helpful when it comes to unhelpful patterns such as undercharging, overworking or defaulting back to ‘safe’ but unsustainable ways of running our businesses.
Our brains develop familiar patterns and shortcuts, and change can feel uncomfortable or even threatening. We tend to prefer what we know, particularly when doing something differently involves uncertainty or the possibility of failure.
So if you’ve survived so far by charging £15 an hour on a teaching platform, part of your brain may well be thinking, Great, let’s just keep doing that.
You know it isn’t really working for you. You know you’re having to work ridiculous hours to earn enough. But at least it’s familiar, and you know what to expect.
Changing your business model, putting your prices up or starting to market yourself more actively involves an element of risk.
Which is why it’s so common to reach for old patterns, whether that’s taking on ‘just one more student’ at a low rate or hiding from marketing altogether, even when you know those choices are keeping you stuck.
How to deal with resistance to change
There are four approaches that I think can make change easier.
1. Smooth the path
Don’t rely on willpower alone. Make it as easy as possible to do the thing you’ve decided you want to do.
If you want to market your business more consistently, set aside time in your calendar and perhaps prepare some content in advance, so you’re not starting from scratch every time.
If you want to stop working at weekends, log out of teaching platforms or turn off notifications so you’re not constantly tempted to check messages.
The fewer obstacles you put in your own way, the easier it becomes to follow through on your intentions.
2. Start small
Big leaps can trigger big resistance.
Rather than deciding you’re suddenly going to replace all your one-to-one income with a group programme, perhaps you could start by piloting one small group alongside your existing clients.
Or instead of announcing that you’re doubling your prices overnight, you might start by increasing your rates for new clients and gradually reviewing what you charge existing ones.
Small, incremental changes often feel much more manageable, and they allow you to build confidence as you go.
3. Build mindfulness
So much resistance happens on autopilot.
We find ourselves agreeing to things, putting work off or falling back into old habits before we’ve even really noticed what we’re doing.
A regular mindfulness practice can help us become more aware of these automatic reactions.
For example, you might notice that familiar feeling of guilt when someone asks you to take on another low-paying client.
Instead of immediately saying yes, you have a little more space to stop and consider whether that’s actually what you want to do.
And that moment of awareness gives you an opportunity to make a different choice.
4. Get curious about what’s underneath
If you’ve been trying to make the same change for years and keep finding yourself back where you started, it’s probably worth looking a little deeper.
What is it about this particular change that feels so difficult?
Perhaps putting your prices up triggers a fear that people will think you’re greedy. Or promoting your services makes you worry that you’ll be seen as pushy or full of yourself.
Sometimes the resistance is connected to beliefs we’ve carried around for years, often without even realising they’re there.
And until we start recognising those beliefs, it’s very easy to keep repeating the same patterns.
Common beliefs that drive resistance to self-care
The second type of resistance is perhaps even more interesting.
Because why would we resist doing things that we know will make us feel better?
Why do we keep working ridiculous hours, skipping breaks or agreeing to things we really don’t want to do, even when we know they’re not good for us?
I think a lot of this comes down to beliefs we’ve absorbed over the years about what makes us good, worthwhile or acceptable people.
Here are three that I see quite often among freelance teachers and other language professionals.
1. ‘It’s selfish to put myself first’
If you believe that being a good person means always putting other people’s needs ahead of your own, it’s hardly surprising that you find it difficult to set boundaries.
You keep saying yes to unsuitable clients, giving up your weekends or working late into the evening because you don’t want to let anyone down.
But neglecting your own needs doesn’t just affect you. It can affect your teaching, your relationships and ultimately your business.
There’s nothing selfish about making sure you have enough time and energy to do your work well and enjoy the rest of your life.
2. ‘I have to be strong’
Perhaps you’ve learnt that being strong means pushing through, coping on your own and never admitting that something is too much.
You tell yourself that you don’t need help, that you’ll take a break when everything’s finished, or that other people seem to manage perfectly well so you should be able to as well.
And that might work for a while.
But it’s not a particularly sustainable approach.
Everyone needs rest, support and systems that make life easier. You don’t get any extra points for doing everything the hard way.
And sometimes the strongest thing you can do is recognise that something needs to change and ask for help.
3. ‘I don’t deserve kindness’
This is perhaps the toughest one.
If you’ve grown up with a lot of criticism, or learnt that your worth depends on how hard you work or how much you achieve, it can be very difficult to treat yourself with kindness.
You may feel that taking a break is indulgent, that you haven’t done enough to deserve time off, or that you should always be pushing yourself harder.
But self-compassion isn’t about letting yourself off the hook or avoiding responsibility.
It’s about recognising that you’re a human being with needs and limitations, just like everyone else.
And if you’re going to build a business that’s sustainable over the long term, you need to be willing to look after the person who’s actually running it.
That’s you, by the way!
Working through resistance to self-care
This kind of resistance isn’t necessarily ‘just my personality’, or something that can never change.
These beliefs and patterns have developed over time, and it’s possible to develop different ones.
But it takes time, consistency and often support from other people who can help us recognise what we’re doing and challenge some of the assumptions behind it.
Sometimes it’s about starting with small changes, such as taking a proper lunch break or deciding that you’re not going to respond to messages in the evening.
Sometimes it’s about noticing the guilt or discomfort that comes up when you do something differently, and allowing yourself to experience that feeling without immediately going back to your old habits.
And sometimes it’s about questioning a belief you’ve carried around for years and asking whether it’s actually true.
The important thing is to recognise that resistance doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doing the wrong thing.
Sometimes it simply means you’re doing something unfamiliar.
And the more you practise making different choices, the more comfortable those choices can become.
So, if there’s something you know would make your business or your life better, but you keep finding yourself resisting it, perhaps it’s worth asking yourself what’s really getting in the way.
Is it the discomfort of making a change? Or is there a deeper belief about what you’re allowed to want, need or do?
Because once you understand where the resistance is coming from, you’re in a much better position to do something about it.
Want to feel more confident running your business?
If you’re finding that old habits, self-doubt or unhelpful beliefs are making it difficult to make the changes you want, I’ve brought together some practical resources to help.
In my Feel more confident running my business Resource Centre, you’ll find articles and videos about overcoming resistance, dealing with your Inner Troll, challenging unhelpful beliefs and developing the confidence to make decisions that work for you and your business.